It's a Whole New Day

It's a Whole New Day
Originally uploaded by Second City Warehouse

my brother Bob found a picture of my Chicago Tribune Ad on Flickr, so I decided to do my own search and see what turned up.

Flickr Woman
Originally uploaded by Stellar Max

Tribune Ad
Originally uploaded by Pirate Alice

again

Christmas list

I keep getting asked what I want, so here's one solution I came up with. It's a Wish List, but they call it a Wist.




More can be found at http://www.wists.com/davieZ

Safe Harbor

I was talking with my girlfriend, K, tonight, and I realized something about this relationship that's different than others that I've had. It's the safest I've ever felt in opening myself up to another person. Even with J there was fear and uncertainty, and that was the most open I'd been with a woman in my whole life till then.

As K and I talked tonight, an analogy hit me:

A romantic relationship is like a harbor, with a sea wall to keep the worst of the tempest out. It's a place to rest, to recharge, to fortify oneself before heading into the world (sea) again. Each person brings different things into the building of this sea wall that protects that fragile harbor. Consequently, each couple's sea wall is very different, which effects the relative safety of the harbor.

If one person brings sand, and the other cement, a relatively strong wall can be build. If one brings clay and one brings rocks, also, a rudimentary wall can be fashioned that will keep most of the turbulence of the sea out of the harbor. Turbulence within the harbor can quickly erode that sea wall, so it's best avoided at all costs. This means belittling your beloved or blaming, accusing, cheating on, or ignoring will erode that wall.

But this relationship feels like we brought rocks and concrete. Our wall is thick, and high. We take turns protecting, listening to, and healing each other in our safe little harbor. We've also, already developed a very good system of communication where each one of us can take personal responsibility (referred to in the therapy world as owning) of our own issues, and not need to ever point out the others faults. (we already know what they are anyway) :-)

By keeping communication up and blaming down, owning up, and accusing down, we keep building our wall higher, thicker and stronger. This keeps the occasional waves of disharmony from totally destroying that wall, and that wall of safety, in turn, quickly dissipates those disharmonious waves.

I like this little analogy. I like my safe harbor. I like the woman that was willing to put herself forward and help me see how well we fit. Even though I was fearful.

Was I in Virginia?

I like to read The BlankTop Chronicles blog. It's a guy how has to deal with people all day, and actually soemtimes gets to DO what others only dream of. Put a stupid person in their place. Today I was reading his archives, and came across a post that sounded a LOT like something I'D have done. Enjoy.

Friday, July 20, 2007
It's a happy day for me when I encounter a worthy opponent.

ME: What's your name?
GUY: What do you need, first name, last tame, what?
ME: Whichever would be the most easily understood when relayed over a staticy radio to an individual with a limited command of the English language.
GUY: Oh man, you're not going to send me somebody who doesn't speak English are you?
ME: I have to, people who speak fluent English aren't allowed to drive cabs in America.
GUY: Oh, they aren't? That explains a lot.
ME: Yeah, Americans who want to drive cabs are sent to Pakistan as part of the cab driver exchange program. It's set up so no cab driver can speak the language of the country they are in. Americans go to Pakistan, Russians go to Brazil, Mexicans go to China, and so on in that fashion.
GUY: Could you send me somebody who speaks, like, Spanish, maybe?
ME: (suspiciously) Why??? Do you speak Spanish?
GUY: No no no, just a little bit here and there!
ME: No, if you speak even a little Spanish I can't send you a Spanish speaking driver, it's the law.
GUY: Come on! Please?
ME: Absolutely not! If I start sending you drivers that you can actually communicate with then everybody is going to want them. Then what will you have? UTTER CHAOS!
GUY: Actually, wouldn't it kinda be the opposite of chaos?
ME: Hmmmm, I guess it would be. But don't worry, each of our drivers is required to hold a Certificate of Participation from a fly-by-night English as a second language school taught by people who barely speak English themselves. So he will be able to speak enough English to have a conversation with you that will be completely one-sided because you won't be able to understand a word he's saying, so all you will be able to do is smile and nod and say "yeah" a lot.
GUY: Well that should be fun at least.
ME: Oh, it will be. But don't let him get too deep into the conversation and get distracted, because he's probably going to be a pretty lousy driver.
GUY: Yep, I'll keep that in mind. Anything else I should know?
ME: You should probably be ready to give him directions. Even if you're going to some blatantly obvious destination like National Airport that you would think no cab driver on the road wouldn't know how to get to, don't assume he'll know how to get there.
GUY: Got it. I've gotta say, you really sell your cab service well. I'm actually giddy with excitement now wondering what this ride is going to be like.
ME: I wouldn't have it any other way. It's the same feeling of excitement from risking your life you get from skydiving, when some shifty foreigner has packed your parachute.
GUY: That's it exactly.

I'm obviously selling our drivers way too short here, the vast majority of them are very much on the ball. It's just that the feedback I usually encounter is regarding the ones who are not so much on the ball. Luckily, this guy drew a good driver, so I'm sure he had a fine trip.

Doesn't that sound like me? :-D

Flip Flop?

I read this on another blog, and wanted it here to ponder it....

In his essay "Self Reliance," Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote,

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day.--'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.'--Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood."

Someone who does not change his mind as he acquires new information and experience is foolish, indeed. And yet...we castigate people like Mitt Romney for changing his stand on abortion. In the past few years, I almost completely remade myself. My thoughts, how I respond to my surroundings. The choices I'm faced with and creating totally new avenues of choices so I'm not stuck in the same old patterns. This quote makes it easier for me to not limit myself by my past nor will I allow others perceptions of who they think I am to hold me back.

I've changed my mind about who I am. And I'm OK with that,

I'm looking forward to the next change.

True Class

I had the opportunity to witness a truly classy person today. A woman had a run-in with a public figure, and blogged it. She then got far more attention than she expected for it, and lots of people randomly chastising her for her choices and her changing her mind about whether all the attention was a good thing or not.

But the way she handled it prompted me to leave this comment on her blog

"Anything that I write will only barely cover the surface of all the random feelings that I'm having. You had no intention of being an example, and you were just living your life, but I've read these last few blogs since the Pizzagate, and find myself reminded of things that I once knew, and have forgotten. How to treat people with dignity, how to handle yourself in the face of adversity, Never letting yourself get so puffed up by pride that you forget what it feels like to be unknown.

You, in your 15 min of fame, have shown more grace and class than most of the people that are in public life.

As I wipe a little tear of shame from my eye, I just wanted to thank you for your example, and quiet dignity."

I've been studying the effects of positive thinking for years and years, and I STILL sometimes act like this politicians did when I don't get my way. This just gave me the opportunity to remind myself of the formula for dynamic living, and re-commit myself to living by those guidelines.

Dynamic Living = (God Given Equipment + the Principles of Success) multiplied by the power of a Proper Self Image

It gave me the opportunity to remind myself of the definition of Dynamic Living:

Dynamic Living is that kind of a life which is filled with joy and happiness all the time. A life free of fear. Free of worry. Continually in the pursuit of worthwhile goals, and totally well adjusted in life's 6 major areas, Business, Home, Social, Physical, Mental, and Spiritual.

It gave me a chance to remind myself of the Principles of Success:

1. Giving - whatever you give, you will receive.
2. Exclusion - Get rid of what you don't want, to make room for what you do want.
3. Creation - Decide what you want, define it clearly and write it down.
4. Visualization - Get a clear mental picture of what you want.
5. Command - Whatever you speak out of your mouth, that's what'll happen to you.
6. Action - Do it.... now!
7. Faith - faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
8. Enthusiasm - Give everything you've got to everything you do.
9. Self-Discipline - Do what needs to be done when it ought to be done whether you like it or not.
10. Persistence - I will...until , never give up.

I've been living the Principle of Giving quite faithfully and reaping the financial benefits of that, but I've neglected most of the others. Well... now I have the opportunity to recommit to living it.

Thank you Pizza Girl.

Load torpedoes 1 and 2 and flood the tubes.

Fire one!!!

Hit and Sunk!

We suddenly ran out of building material. No way to get over SOME walls, no matter how strong the feelings. I was an amazing 4 months! I learned TONS and have no regrets.

I just miss her.